Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
