I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
