hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
