If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
