The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
