Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
