I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
