Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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