Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
