she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
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