I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Randomize
