fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Randomize
