one two three fourrrrnication!
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
