It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
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