I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
