why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
