she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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