just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
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