yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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