He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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