Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
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