I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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