The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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