just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
