I cut my penus on the lid.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
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