you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize