Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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