brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
