I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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