she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
