im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
