Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
