I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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