o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
