I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Randomize
