this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
