Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize