How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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