I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize