guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
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