You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
