Nicole vs. Life
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
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