True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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