five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Randomize
