The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Four minutes until I can fart!
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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