you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Can vaginas get frostbite?
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Randomize