I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
