SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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