I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
we should paint friendship bongs
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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