The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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