im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize