I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
