I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Randomize
