Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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