So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Randomize
