I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
True strength comes from lack of pants
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
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