eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
