Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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