Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Randomize
