Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
