I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Randomize
