You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Randomize
