Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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