I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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