She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize