sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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