Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
