so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
