I got chris browned last night
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
