So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
i think i scared a bird with my dick
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I'm both gender and math confused
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
