I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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