I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
