After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
