oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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