I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Watching her eat just hurts me
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
