I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
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