i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
