i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize