its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Blood and glitter go together right?
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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