I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
