im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize