Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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