She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
