I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
