Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize