I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
