you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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