Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I want to be your penis for a week.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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