she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Randomize
