I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
