next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
